An open letter to the male species
April 28th, 2008, 7:50 pm · 9 Comments · posted by dhernandez
Dear members of the opposite sex,
It has come to my attention that many of you have been born with a defect that doesn’t allow you to fully process what you’re saying before it escapes your mouth.
Now, I know that the majority of you aren’t even close to being mean spirited and these slips are just a signature trademark that comes along with being a male. So I am going to help you out by giving you some real life examples of things you should never tell a female.
“You said you didn’t want anything for your >insert special occasion here< so I didn’t get you anything.”
I‘ve said this, but only because I want to give off the appearance of being nonchalant about whatever is coming up. None of us ever mean it. It doesn’t matter if you give us a candy bar or a rock that looks like our head. The important thing is that for a mere couple of seconds you weren’t preoccupied with Guitar Hero, your truck or whatever else normally fills your mind.
“You’re sister is hot.”
Never say this. Think it all you want, we know our siblings are attractive, because well duh, we share the same genes. Just never say this aloud.
“You should do your hair like Reese Witherspoon.”
This said to a brunette, with thick, curly, hair. Don’t go and pick the celebrity that we least resemble and expect us to agree that yes, our hair would look great styled in that same way. This isn’t even close to being realistic.
“Usually my parents pick on my girlfriends for being too skinny, but they didn’t say anything to you so I think they must really like you.”
I think this one’s pretty self explanatory. ‘Nuff said.
Referring to our clothing choices “What, are you gonna join the circus?”
As females most of us have some fashion sense and were born with a little fashionista inside us all. Don’t kill our feeling of being cute and trendy with a remark like that. You stick to color coordinating and matching, and that is all we will ask of you.
More importantly if you ever wonder what a female’s reaction will be –just don’t say it.
April 29th, 2008 at 7:36 am
Wow, this is so true. Such good advice. In fact, I’ve experienced a few of them.
April 29th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Very true; of course, sometimes I really mean that I don’t want a gift for whatever, but since it’s too hard to figure out when those times may be, just err on the side of caution and find something.
Along the lines of the sister is hot comment, I actually broke up with a guy once who said “Um, OK. Do you think your sister will go out with me.” I told him to give it a shot.
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:06 am
Hi there - I’m a photographer (freelance) currently living in Okinawa Japan and headed to Clovis NM for our next assignment. I have no idea what I’m in for - and it’s hard to ignore some of the biased opinions of some in regards to life in Clovis. I’m a pretty versitile woman who likes change and new experiences, I would love to talk to someone who has been there a while and can give me information about my future home there. I am also a children/family photographer and would like to know how that might do there? I am mostly into photojournalistic style photography and wondered if there are other photographers there (other than wal-mart or olan mills) that do this type of business. Thanks again and I look forward to hearing from you! Candice in Okinawa!
May 4th, 2008 at 7:39 am
How about “Well I was going to plan a nice (vacation, dinner, suprise) but I couldn’t think of anything.”
If you didn’t do it, don’t say it!
May 5th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
This takes the words right out of my mouth. Too many of us think these things and yet never say anything.
My personal favorite has to be… “Well, I don’t make a big deal out of my birthday, so I just don’t see what the big deal is.”
May 9th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
I absolutely agree with Cortney. I think those instructions should be given to every male at birth. I know that some of them already have the knowledge, but it helps to err on the side of caution.
May 19th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Whoa! Wait one minute, you have got to be kidding me! Not all males are the way you portray them in this article. Every guy I know, goes above and beyond when it comes to their wife, girlfriend, etc. Most of the time the guy gives and gives and the wife takes and takes! This is a ridiculous topic! Please consider those of us civilized males when you decide to write an article basking them. Most of us are not cavemen. And as for Jennifer and Cortney, wake up and be a little more selective when choosing a male…OY!
May 20th, 2008 at 6:46 am
I never said guys don’t do nice things. I just don’t want to know about the things that ALMOST got done.
I’m sure women say all the above things too, just in different words. But I can honestly say that every one of my friends’ or family’s husbands have said at least one of these things in their lifetime. If we were more selective based on males’ thoughtfullness, most of us would be single for the rest of our lives!
May 20th, 2008 at 11:56 am
To be honest, I have never heard any of my friends (or strangers for that matter) say these things to their significant other! “What are you gonna join the circus”, do guys really say that? I think this is where the selection process comes into effect. Guys may think these things, like your sister is hot, but they wouldn’t say it to their girlfriend/wife, etc. This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read!